Ordure, ordure

Ten days in and it seems that The Telegraph's expenses expose is beginning to lose momentum - still front page news, but not the lead tomorrow morning. The daily diet of dodgy claims, creative accounting and downright fraud has fairly hit the mark, though - it's certainly the greatest crisis to have engulfed the 'Mother of Parliaments' in my lifetime, and when the dust finally settles on this truly awful scandal democracy in this country will never be the same again - thankfully.
I've never known members of the public to be so enraged - even the war in Iraq didn't attract such widespread revulsion. The British tend to be fairly relaxed about most things and it takes events of some magnitude to shake us out of our lethargy. The unfolding events of the past ten days have done just that, however: many people had always suspected that their elected members were 'at it', but it's the scale of the claims that have been astonishing. They say there's no such thing as a free lunch, but for too many MPs there's not only free lunches but everything including the kitchen sink also comes free too, courtesy of the generous British taxpayer. It begs the question: is there anything at all that they actually pay for themselves?
True, there have been a few casulaties - resignations here, apologies for oversights and paying back cheques there - but so far not one MP has paid with his seat: no-one has lost his job. They still get paid their 'basic' £65,000 per year. The fact is, the system isn't set up to deal with issues as grave as this, and if the errant MPs decide to hang around like a bad smell until the next election there's nothing we the elctorate, the political parties or Parliament can do about it. Even next door in the Lords, two Honourable Members - caught bang to rights selling their services to amend legislation - are likely to be 'punished' with a six month suspension. That will show them!
Public confidence in our democratic system is at an all-time low, and it's clear that it can't be left to the politicians themselves to sort this mess and restore the reputation of Parliament - they caused the problem, aided and abetted by a greviously flawed system based on trust (!) which they themselves initiated.
It seems that Speaker Michael Martin may be offered up as some sort of sacrificial lamb, but if Westminster believes that the sacking of the Speaker will assuage public anger they are even more out of touch with the public mood than I thought.
Yes, Speaker Martin shoulders some of the blame - his actions in blocking and hindering attempts to reform, modernise and introduce transparency to the allowances system was shameful, as was his treatment of MP Kate Hoey last week. His emphasis on finding the Telegraph's 'mole', other than tackling the scandalous practices he oversees, showed a man completely out of tune with public feeling in the real world outside the Palace of Westminster.
It's well known that some of the 'toffs' at Westminster have never taken to having a working-class bloke from Glasgow in such an important constitutional role, and defenders of the Speaker are claiming this is a class-inspired plot. Mr Martin's current travails have nothing to do with his proletarian roots, however - this is all about his recent performance, and a considerable number of formerly loyal Labour members are seriously questioning his ability to continue in the role.
It was widely expected that Mr Martin - 'Gorbals Mick' to his increasingly numerous detractors - would announce his plans for an orderly retiral in a statement to the House yesterday, but it didn't happen. An apology, yes, but an exit strategy? No.
It's likely that an unprecedented motion of No Confidence in the Speaker will be defeated later today, but it's equally likely that Members will vote in enough numbers to make the Speaker's position untenable. Whatever happens, he'll have to go.
In one of Westminster's many antiquated rituals, a new Speaker of the House has to be dragged to his seat to take his place. We may soon witness a variation on this theme with the incumbent Speaker having to be dragged from that same seat!
A dignified exit would be preferable all round, but it seems that despite growing pressure Mr Martin is intent on hanging on - is it just possible that a reported £100,000 golden handshake should he survive until the end of this parliament may perhaps be uppermost in the Speaker's considerations here? Parliament breaks for another recess on Friday, and the Speaker will be meeting the main Party leaders before then. Expect a compromise deal - but I fear that a cherished seat in the Lords for Lord Martin of Springburn may be a step too far and totally unacceptable to the Great British public.
Of course the removal of Speaker Martin won't in itself resolve the deep-rooted problems that exist at Westminster, but it would at least be a start, a statement of intent. Reform is desperately needed, and quickly. And one or two criminal prosecutions for fraud wouldn't go amiss either - honestly, how can you fail to notice that you have finally paid off your mortgage?

Away from the reek of corruption and sleaze of Westminster, I turned to the Eurovision Song Contest for some light relief. Gone are the bad old days of dodgy voting and Soviet-bloc conspiracies - well, in theory anyway. See, you can reform antiqauted institutions! Norway (usually nil points) won by a landslide and the United Kingdom restored some national pride. However my own personal favourite - Malta, the best singer and song by a mile - finished well down the field. I will be checking the postal ballots for irregularities and may demand a recount - she wiz robbed, I tell you.

And finally, to that other Theatre of Dreams, Easter Road. Hibs were never going to be winning anything this season, but over the last couple of weeks they have been doing their damnedest to make sure nobody else wins anything either! An unlikely win over Hearts and unexpected points from both Rangers and Celtic - who'd have forecast that? My fear is that Mixu will now think he's found a new formula for success - eight men behind the ball at all times, then a hoof up the park for Riordan or Fletcher to chase ... it might win you a few points, but it sure ain't pretty to watch. I'm old enough to remember Inter Milan's cattenaccio system, equally boring but very effective. Fortunately Celtic's buccaneering brand of attacking football overcame the Italian's negativity in the 1967 European Cup Final, and I know which style of football I'd rather watch.
And still on football, congratulations to Hearts on clinching third spot and a place in Europe. It's well deserved for their consistency this season, and, had they had a couple of effective strikers, it could have been even better. There's been no interference with team selection this season, they have a likeable and tactically astute manager and it shows. Credit where it's due (he said through gritted teeth).

This week's picture is of that old Westminster warhorse Winston Churchill. I wonder what he'd make of it all - the Eurovision result, I mean?