Pigs, rats and sea eagles - an average sort of week

This week, I are been mostly ... growing a beard and avoiding swine flu.
The beard is for a short drama Kevin is making as part of his college course. I haven't shaved since last Thursday and, as expected, the stubble is growing in a delicate grey colour (Apparently I look too young to play the father of one of the film's leads (grateful for that, at least), hence the need for ageing). It is many years since I last grew a beard - the last one contained interesting shades of ginger - and you tend to forget how uncomfortable and itchy the whole beard-growing process is. Oh, the things we do for our art, dahling!!! The latest 21st century version is not a pretty sight - I have no desire to be Edinburgh's Kenny Rodgers, that's John Mulvey's job - and the beard will go the moment filming has finished on Tuesday. Having said that, a Jason King moustache could be quite fetching .... has that style come back? Has it ever been away?
Incidentally Pilton Video sent me the link to two other 'classics' I featured in. You'll find these hidden gems at:

http://piltonvideo.blip.tv/#1789035

Don't watch them if you want to be cheered up, though - bleak is the word. Not quite as scary as Gordon's YouTube appearance, but getting close ...

Swine Flu

There's nothing the media loves more than a good pandemic, and given that bad news is good news for the tabloids Swine Fever came at a great time - there's not much more can be said about the economy, but plagues, pestilence, Armageddon ... brilliant!
Very scary (though still not as scary as Gordon on YouTube)blown up images of what the virus might look like(if you banged into it in Sainsbury's car park, for example), dire projections of mortality rates across the globe, 'don't panic' warnings alongside graphs of booming international sales figures of face masks (buy your shares in pharmaceuticals now, folks!)... it's an ill wind!
You always know it's time to batten down the hatches when Prof Hugh Pennington appears on our TV screens more often than Ant and Dec. The message: be vigilant. The underlying message: Armageddon unlikely.
From a personal perspective, not having visited Mexico or knowing anyone else who has, I feel relatively at ease. However there's always that nagging doubt ... should I be taking the dire predictions more seriously? It's true I was down in Yorkshire recently. Is it just possible that I have contracted a local variant of the virus - maybe whippet 'flu or it's close relative ferret fever? I'll keep you posted if there is any deterioration in my condition; perhaps the greying of the facial hair is a symptom of something more sinister than the advancing years?

Garden Report

Titchmarsh here again with the latest garden bulletin. Remember last week I pointed out that it's all about patience? Well, the patience has run out and there is still little sign of any change on the Yorkshire lavender front. True, the plant may be revering to the stubborn Yorkshireman stereotype ('I'll do it when I'm god and ready, an' not before' - Geoff Boycott) - but if it doesn't get a move on soon I'm taking it back to it's homeland for a refund!
I forgot to mention last week that I also invested in a very basic bird feeder (minimal cost, minimal assembly instructions, minimal maintenance, minimal everything really). Well initially there was a distinctly minimal level of interest shown by the local bird population too, but as the week has progressed there have been more and more visitors.
Imagine my absolute delight when yesterday morning the feeder was visited by a mighty sea eagle! These magnificent birds - the biggest birds in the British Isles with a wingspan of ... well, bloody huge, were only recently introduced to the island of Mull so it was a major shock to see one in urban Drylaw.
Before I contacted the RSPB and Max Clifford I quickly checked my Ladybird Book of British Birds (for I am no ornithologist) only to discover that my visitor was not a sea eagle but was instead a rather large sparrow. Perhaps I had the magnification up too high on my binoculars (which I got in a Christmas cracker last year). Never mind, I will keep my eyes peeled ...

Sport

An uninspiring trip to Easter Road yesterday to watch a fairly meaningless (for Hibs, anyway) game against Dundee United. Only the most deluded Hibee can have harboured any hopes of European qualification and those hopes were extinguished following a lack-lustre display (I nearly said 'performance', but that would be giving far more credit than is due). The end of the season can't come quickly enough - I fear the worst in the forthcoming games against the Old Firm and, particularly, at Tynecastle this Thursday. And Thursday night for a derby game - what an absolutely brilliant idea!
I'd prefer to see us going back to a top league of 16 or 18, with teams only playing each other twice, the bottom two being relegated with third bottom playing off against the third team in the second division. At least then there would not be the over-familiarity you have at present, and there will be a real excitement about the big derby games again. It won't happen, of course, and we can look forward (?) to more of the same next season. I still haven't renewed my season ticket; still undecided.
On a more positive note I see that I have risen to the lofty position of 1437th in BBC Radio Scotland's Predictor competition. This is a remarkable achievement of which I am very proud - perhaps a top 1000 finish is just possible; there's everything to play for!

Politics

It's been the latest in quite a catalogue of 'bad weeks' for the government. This week it was self-inflicted wounds over the handling of the Gurkhas and MPs expenses (and did I mention Gordon's YouTube appearance? Oh, I did).
Twelve years ago this very week young Tony Blair stood on the steps of Downing Street basking in the adulation of huge, enthusiastic crowds. A bright May morning, a new dawn. New Labour, new hope.
Today, Brown's administration bears all the hallmarks of John Major's fag-end government: blundering from one crisis to another (often self-inflicted) crisis, mired in sleaze accusations, bereft of vision or even of basic competency. This week the Gurkhas and the MPs allowances fiascoes, next week - who knows? There a whiff of decay and decline about Brown's government that's also very reminiscent of the end of the Major era - former 'big beasts' are circling and even cabinet insiders are beginning to speak out openly (although, very predictably with Hazel Blears, she was 'misrepresented' in the papers - although she wrote the article!). It's come to a sorry state when we have people like that paragon of rectitude David Blunkett - who twice had to resign from cabinet following personal scandals - offering sage words of advice to the beleaguered Prime Minister.
Then there are the back-benchers: it's not just the 'usual suspects' who are in open revolt. They see their jobs and careers on the line, and the end of a comfortable lifestyle to which they have grown increasingly accustomed - it's a bleak and uncertain future out there in the real world. There's talk of some of these specimens deserting, already sounding out the Liberals about jumping ship when the inevitable happens - speaks volumes about their values and commitment, doesn't it? These people have no shame.
In boozy discussions in the Jinglin', some old friends often argue that even a poor Labour government is always better than a good Tory one: we remember Thatcher well, we lived through those Tory governments.
But for far too many members of the public that's not the case any more. For a generation of voters Thatcher is someone you read about in history books, a spectre of the past, something that happened a long time ago (Thatcher was first elected 30 years ago this week). For many younger voters - and increasingly for some not so young, with less harsh recollections of the Thatcher years - the question being asked is: 'Can the Tories be any worse than what we've got?'
Labour can't play the 'bogey man' card with any confidence next time round - Cameron is no Thatcher and comes across as a pretty decent man - and with the European elections next month, followed by the publication of MPs expenses in July, these are desperate times for Labour.